Ephesians Series #5
"HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS!"
TEXT: Eph.
INTRO: The entire world
is built around 3 basic human
relationships:
1.
Marriage, husband-wife
2.
Parent-child
3.
Employer-employee
These 3 building blocks form the foundation of all
human society! The health and
strength of a nation is determined more by these 3 institutions that it is on
its military strength! These 3
relationships are more critical than political power! Civilization hangs on these 3
institutions, the breakdown of these would result in
chaos.
Throughout history man has tinkered with all 3 ...
trying to improve or change them.
When man has changed them from God's design, it has always been a change
for the worse ... never for the
better! The farther away from
God's design man takes these 3 great relationships, the greater the damage to
human society.
When in history nations have allowed the destruction of
the institution of marriage designed by God, there has always followed the fall
of that nation shortly thereafter.
When mankind changed the "employer-employee" relationship to slavery, or
something else, those nations suffered and families suffered dramatically. When the institution of "Parent-child"
relationship is destroyed, the society suffers in a number of great ways. If children are allowed total freedom
from discipline they become tyrants, unruly and selfish adults! If given unjustifiable discipline they
can become angry selfish adults, it takes the right mix of freedom and control
... rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior in an atmosphere of
love.
Poverty results in any nation who undermines the
fairness that God designed in these relationships, or who changes the nature of
them from God's design.
PROP. SENT: The Bible calls us to live
out healthy relationships in the 3 basic institutions that God created for human
society: Husband-wife; Parent-child; Employer-employee. Healthy relationships produce healthy
minds, body, and souls! The one
characteristic we are called to display no matter what part in those 3
relationships we are in is mutual respect & love, or Biblical submission to
one another!
I. SUBMISSION OR SELF? Eph.
A.
Definition Eph.
5:21a
1.
All healthy relationships require MUTUAL submission ... so the real
question is: what is "SUBMISSION?"
a.
What it IS
NOT!
(1.
Unquestioned obedience by one
person
(2.
Slavery
(3.
Pious humility
(4.
Self-righteous obedience
(5. A
mild mannered personality that never
argues
b.
What IT
IS!
(1.
The basic idea in Biblical submission is that one does not live his or
her life for self but for the benefit of
others!
(2.
It may in fact mean to question an order at a time when it is felt to be
harmful to someone!
(3.
It is actively working for the other's good ... even standing up to them
if they are wrong in a way that could be harmful to others or their own
life!
(4.
It is being ruled by love for the other, not being ruled by the other or
over the other ... thus it displays respect and concern out of a willing
heart!
ILLUS:
A boy was told
by his father to sit down at the table, the boy complies but with this comment:
"I am still sitting down on the inside
dad!" He may have complied with
the father's wish, but this is not submission in its best sense ... it is just
as much an attitude as an action! -- Source
Unknown
2.
Once the correct concept of "Biblical submission" is understood it
brings a whole new appreciation to the rest of this passage dealing with
marriage, family, and work ... removing us from the mentality of "MASTER-SLAVE"
to that of "LOVED-LOVING"
3.
This understanding then takes the "STING" out of the word "SUBMIT" and
puts back into it the "LOVE" that God places in
it!
B.
Dynamic! Eph.
5:21b
1.
The dynamic behind "healthy"
submission to one another comes from the realization that doing this is showing
respect or reverence for Christ!
a.
Not doing it therefore shows a disregard for God's Word and
Ways!
b.
Not doing it shows also a disregard for God
Himself!
c.
It is also the mutual submission to one another and to God that binds us
together, a bond that gets stronger as each learns from the other. The wearing down of "self" creates a
union of love that is strong enough to bind
forever.
ILLUS: Dr. Joseph
Henry said that during the Second World War, two physics graduate students heard
their professor say that someday a method would be devised for polishing glass
that would replace steel as the flattest surface known to man. When this was done, he said, a
revolution in technology would take place.
After graduation, these two young physicists formed a partnership and set
out to prove their professor's theory.
They established a laboratory and went to work. Several years later, after a very
complicated process, they had a great breakthrough. They produced such a flat surface that
it could be used to measure objects within two-millionths of an inch-a great
improvement over anything previously developed. When Dr. Henry visited their plant, one
of the owners said to him, "See these two squares of glass? They have been put through this new
process, and I want to show you something." Then he simply placed the two pieces
together, handed them to Dr. Henry, and said, "Now take them apart." After he pulled, pushed, twisted, turned
and exerted all of his strength, Dr. Henry still could not budge them. The young physicist explained, "Two
surfaces are held together by a certain number of points of contact, but
ordinarily there are so few they easily come apart. The points on these two pieces of glass,
however, have been ground down until they are almost completely flat
surfaces. They are held together by
so many points of contact that it is almost impossible to get them apart." If you let God rub down the rough edges
in you and your spouse, nothing will be able to tear you apart. - Source Unknown
2.
Mutual submission also opens the door for equality among "brethren" (or
sisters!) even when our functions are
different!
a.
Husband-wife: are equals in value - different in functions
b.
Parent-child: are equals in value - different in
functions
c.
Employer-employee: are equals in value - different in
functions
3.
This enables us to appreciate our equality, while also appreciating our
differentness in functions!
a.
Hence Paul's words, "In Christ there is neither gentile nor Jew, male nor
female..." (A value
statement)
b.
Also note another statement by Paul, "Obey those who
are over you..." (A function
statement)
c.
We therefore may have different callings, but the same worth! Or in other words, "We are members
of one body, though different in function." Equal but
different!
d.
Different tasks ... but the same
taskmaster!
4.
Now that Paul has stated this issue of equality he moves on in the rest
of our text to the areas of FUNCTION, so remember this as we read, most of the
following statements will concern themselves with function and not how valuable
one is over the other ... those who fail to see this will distort the
teachings in these next passages!
II. SERVANT OR SLAVE? Eph.
5:22-33
A.
Dedication Eph.
5:22-24
1.
The call here is for a wife to dedicate herself to follow the leadership
of her own husband ... not a
general call for women to be under
men!
a.
This does not mean unquestioned obedience
remember!
b.
It is a call to respect her OWN husband and his call to lead
in the family (the type of leadership he
is to give is found a few verses later ... they spell out leadership that shows
love and respect in return, not demanding
orders!)
2.
The call is to seek out her husband's highest good ... to be committed to
him by not living for self, the definition remember of "submission!"
3.
This will not be a one-way call ... as Paul makes clear in the
many verses to the husband's response! (Note: only 3 verses are written to the wife
... however, 9 verses to the
husband!!)
ILLUS: Let the wife
make her husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him
leave. - Martin
Luther (1483-1546) - Edythe Draper, Draper's Book of Quotations for the
Christian World (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1992). Entry 7627.
B.
Duet! Eph.
5:25-33
1.
Notice how well the balance is maintained if you don't stop reading after
verse
24!
2.
Paul writes 3 times more verses to
the men as he does to the ladies about
marriage!
3.
Loving a wife like Christ loves the church will always promote equality
between the partners ... there will be no harsh demands, but a selfless loving
leadership of their lives together!
a.
Men who love like Christ will not find a wife who will not respect
him!
b.
It is never hard to respect a man who is like
Jesus!
ILLUS: Try praising
your wife even if it does frighten her at first. -- Billy Sunday (1862-1935) - Edythe Draper, Draper's
Book of Quotations for the Christian World (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers,
Inc., 1992). Entry
7662.
4.
The functional call to the husband here is
3-fold:
a.
Protector - "head"
b.
Provider - "to make her
holy"
c.
Partner - "he who loves his
wife loves himself -- also "one
flesh"
5.
The parallel concept here is CHRIST & THE CHURCH ... thus men, if you
want to know how to love your wife ask yourself, "HOW DOES
CHRIST LOVE HIS CHURCH?"
a.
He gave His very life for it!
b.
Sought the highest good at great personal
expense!
c.
No self-interest ... only her interest at
heart!
d.
Love like this given willingly ... not out of forced
law!
ILLUS: There is a
story about a man and wife who were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary
- fifty years of married life.
Having spent most of the day with relatives and friends at a big party
given in their honor, they were back home again. They decided, before retiring, to have a
little snack of tea with bread and butter.
They went into the kitchen, where the husband opened up a new loaf of
bread and handed the end piece (the heel) to his wife. Whereupon she exploded! She said, "For fifty years you have been
dumping the heel of the bread on me.
I will not take it anymore; this lack of concern for me and what I
like." On and on she went in the
bitterest of terms, for offering her the heel of the bread. The husband was absolutely astonished at
her tirade. When she had finished
he said to her quietly, "But it's my favorite piece." -- James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited (Wheaton:
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988), p. 332.
6.
And honestly, what wife would have a hard time "submitting" to a man who
loved her like this?
III. SECURITY OR SHAME? Eph.
6:1-4
A.
Diligence! Eph.
6:1-3
1.
A simple and direct statement is made about children obeying their
parents: "FOR
THIS IS RIGHT!"
a.
It is a willing obedience ... respect for the position of
parent!
b.
Obedience will serve as protection for the
child.
c.
It will serve as a teacher for the child ... especially the need of
disciplining self to consider the needs of
others.
2.
There is an interesting comment here for those who will accept this call
for willing obedience: "That it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long
life on the earth" Eph.
6:3
a.
This is from the Old Testament 10
commandments.
b.
These commandments were given to the nation of Israel, so it is not
primarily focused on personal longevity of life ... but that as a nation where
parent-child relationships are healthy they will enjoy AS A NATION LONG LIFE IN
THE LAND! This was a promise of the
nation surviving a long time in the land God was giving it, if they obeyed these
commandments which included the "parent-child" respect
laws.
c.
This is still true ... the
longevity of a nation often hangs on the health of the home and the strength of
the family unit!
ILLUS: In ancient
China, the people desired security from the barbaric hordes to the north, so
they built the great Chinese wall.
It was so high they knew no one could climb over it and so thick that
nothing could break it down. They
settled back to enjoy their security.
During the first 100 years of the wall's existence,
B.
Demonstration Eph.
6:4
1.
Here in verse 4 comes the balance to
Eph. 6:1-3 ... Parental
fairness!
2.
The word, "Exasperate" means, "UNJUSTIFIED
PUNISHMENT."
a.
It is not saying, "don't be strict or strong" ... it is saying, "DON'T PUNISH THE CHILD
FOR THINGS HE/SHE DIDN'T DO!" and "DON'T BE TOO HARD FOR EASY THINGS ... AND
DON'T BE TOO EASY ON HARD THINGS!" It means to use justifiable
discipline!
b.
Either extreme is dangerous!
... Fairness is what counts!
ILLUS: A man and his
young son were climbing a mountain. They came to a place where the climbing was
difficult and even dangerous. The
father stopped to consider which way he should go. He heard the boy behind him say, "Choose
the good path, Dad; I'm coming right behind you!" -- Author unknown -- James S. Hewett, Illustrations
Unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988) p.
202.
c.
Sometimes love must be tough, other times tender. Depends on the situation and the
infraction ... as well as the attitude of the
offender!
IV. SINCERITY OR SIN? Eph.
6:5-9
A.
Deserving Eph.
6:5-8
1.
Employees are called upon to serve wholeheartedly and
honestly!
a. While Paul referred to this
relationship in terms of "Slaves and
Masters" you will take careful note that his instructions don't look
anything like the horrible slavery we are used to thinking of in recent history
... in Paul's day this was more an "employer-employee" relationship in
b.
To condemn or ignore these comments because of the "titles" in the text
would be misleading.
2.
Note verse 6: Don't just look
good ... be good!
ILLUS: If a man does
only what is required of him, he is a slave. If a man does more than is required of
him, he is a free man. -- Chinese Proverb
a.
This may open the door in the future to share the Gospel with
them!
b.
The point also seems to indicate that a bigger picture is at stake here,
we are to serve as though God were our boss, for truly HE
IS!
c.
Perhaps part of this is to develop good leaders in the future ... for good leaders were always first good
followers!
d.
Those who can't learn to serve with a willing heart, won't lead with
one either!
3.
Eph. 6:8 indicates that God is keeping
track of payment, even if your boss missed a raise or two for
you!
4.
The right heart will also allow for promotion without destructive pride
from coming with it!
B.
Determination Eph.
6:9
1.
Again the wonderful balance of Scripture ... Employers are to be fair
also and are to treat their employees the same way they would want to be
treated!
2.
Fair wages ... and fair hours ... and fair work conditions are called
upon.
3.
A right attitude toward those who are under you is called for also, the
same respect and concern that you are to receive you are to
give!
ILLUS: He that is
master of himself will soon be master of others. -- As quoted in Bob Phillips, Phillips' Book of Great
Thoughts & Funny Sayings, (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc,
1993), p. 209.
4.
Ultimately we all have the same master anyways ...
GOD!
5.
There is no one sidedness to this relationship, it was again respect, and
fairness with Godly love that fits both
sides.
CONCLUSION: There are 3 basic building
blocks to human civilization:
1.
Husband-wife;
2.
Parent-child;
3.
Employer-employee.
When mutual submission (love) exists in these 3 human
societal entities and are healthy, God's blessings are there ... when man
changes God's rules or redefines the roles he weakens the foundation of human
society!